Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I'm Not Really A Waitress

That's right, honey, you're a nail polish.

Oh, you mean the person wearing you? What is she? If this is her signature color, and her days are taken up by waitressing, I think I have a guess in mind. It starts with "p" and ends with (cover your eyes, young readers) "rostitute" or (OK, open your eyes now) "erson who doesn't have to stand on her feet all day to make a good living."

I assume this name is a nod to the stereotype of the would-be starlet who flies out to the Big City and, just until she gets her break, takes a job slinging burgers. (Do people in Los Angeles still eat burgers? She is probably slinging macrobiotic fiddlehead ferns. [Incidentally, Slingin' Fiddleheads is my new band name.]) Of course, when we check in on her in fifteen years, she's still there, calling the customers "sweetheart" and urging them to try a slice of the cherry pie (acai berry flan).

So, I guess my question here is: is that someone we really want to channel? I mean, maybe I'm just not fabulous enough, but rarely do I wake up in the morning and think, "Today I want to decrease my glamour quotient, you know, but I also want something that says 'I'm just not good enough for my dreams.' I wonder if any one product can fulfill both these needs. It can? And it also says 'I've abandoned my family and home for a shot at fame, but I'm stuck in a menial job while my rapidly fading looks make my chances of success ever more depressingly negligible'? Thanks, OPI!"


  1. This reminds me of the scene in The Big Picture, when Kevin Bacon's character interviews for a waiter job, and the manager says, "Oh, you're a director? Jimmy our busboy is a director." LOL.

    [My word verification: glubless. Might be my favorite wordver yet.]

  2. This color is a well-respected classic, but you're right - it does have a stupid name!

  3. Ink--I haven't seen that movie, but based on that line I might have to! I love "glubless." Maybe that is how our waitress feels when she fails her hundredth audition and has to go back to pouring coffee.

    Angie--Thanks for the info! When I've seen pictures of it on people, it's looked very nice. Actually, I like/have a lot of the colors I write about, which is why they catch my eye. To me, it's even sadder when a beautiful color is tarnished by an idiotic name!

  4. Oh, PB, you *need* to see that movie. I think it was one of Christopher Guest's first films, maybe? There are lots of famous people in it...wait until you see Martin Short as a ridiculous agent.

  5. There's a Christopher Guest movie I haven't seen?? This cannot stand! I will try to find it post-haste.

  6. He directed it (I don't remember him being *in* it, though Michael McKean is). Here's the scoop!


  7. I think my mom has this color :( and I'm pretty sure I borrowed it in the 8th grade. My teacher, who was rail-thin and suffered from hypoglycemia, told me that my nails looked "sexy" in front of the entire class. Thanks for helping me relive that memory, Em.

  8. I have a problem. I've put colors back into the rack just because of the name and, honestly, I think I've bought one or two just because of their name.

    It IS a big deal.

    However, I think this particular name is perfect.

  9. It's the color I have one now. I am doing a boudoir photo shoot Saturday! ;)