Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Skinny Dip'n in Lake Michg'n




Let's start by getting this out of the way: even skinny dipping in Lake Michigan is a bad idea. It is filthy and freezing cold and shares a border with (shudder) Indiana. This is without even getting to the giant squid.

Luckily, I guess whoever wears this nail polish doesn't have to worry about any of that, because there is no possible combination of letters that can fill in these apostrophes to make them result in an intelligible phrase, let alone anything that bears a passing resemblance to "Skinny Dipping in Lake Michigan." I guess "Dip'n" could be short for "Diphenylhydantoin" (a white, slightly water-soluble powder, C15H11N2O2, used in the form of its sodium salt to prevent or arrest convulsions in epilepsy), "Dipnoan" (belonging or pertaining to the order Dipnoi, comprising the lungfishes), or "Dipthongization" (the act of changing into a diphthong). "Michg'n"? I've got nothing. Or should I say "nothin'"? Or "nothn'g"?

And while we're at it, why are there even apostrophes at all? It's not like brevity can be a big concern with this Tolstoy of a nail polish name. Are they trying to go for a rhyme here? Because I'm not a pro at pronouncing words that look like they come from an Elvish ballad, but I'm pretty sure that no matter how brutalized these words get, it does not work. I tried a few times and it started coming out "Skinny Dippin' with Prince Myshkin," an uninviting prospect but still one I would prefer to putting on this nail polish.

Let me just conclude by saying I hope whoever came up with this name dies torn into tiny shreds by a horde of rabid lexicographers.

4 comments:

  1. Ok, every time I thought I was done laughing, you said something else. Nice!

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  2. hahaha this is pretty funny because i grew up in (shuddering) Indiana right by Lake Michingan. I would concur that the water is nasty, so don't skinny dip in it unless you want a wicked case of e.coli

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  3. First off, I think your blog is really fresh and funny. :)
    I grew up in Michigan, pretty close to the coast of Lake MI. We swam there often and it was quite idyllic. I have been skinny dipping in Lake MI (tmi, right?). It was fun! All that to say, I love, love, love MI and the ever so fine Lake MI...and I still find your post amusing and refreshing! I suppose only sentimental saps like me, and sandy/taupey creme polish lovers will be finding this polish necessary and/or endearing.

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  4. Lauren, you must be significantly hardier than I am! Weren't you freezing? Teach me the secrets of your superior Michigander genetics!

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