(photo from Nail Polish Diva)
Here's an idea: if you only have enough currency at the Punctuation Store to pick out one present for yourself, how about investing in a comma? I know, it doesn't have the flash of an exclamation point, but the upside is that you will look a lot less like an idiot, with the pleasant side-effect of being grammatically correct.
Oh, and thanks for the quotation marks around "coal." I was in danger of believing that, in a bizarre and terrifying sequel to Cat's Cradle, the carbon in our atmosphere had literally transmuted into sedimentary rock and was in danger of crushing anyone who ventured outside. ("Yes," Steampunk Santa said, as he unleashed the particle of Coal-9, "you've all been very bad.") The thing is, I know what it would be like to have coal outside. I don't, however, know what it would be like to have to worry about "coal." What exactly are the scare quotes supposed to indicate? Something kind of like coal is outside? Watch out, it's sandstone! Oh, no, here comes whale blubber, another non-renewable source of energy!
I assure you, if you persist in saying things like this, you will soon have nobody left to call "baby."
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You're so funny. You should submit that to The Blog of Unnecessary Quotation Marks! And you could start a Blog of Unnecesary Exclamation Points!
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Thanks for the link and the nomination, Ink! The former is hysterical and the latter just made my day. After seeing some of those "entries," though, "coal" no longer looks so bad!
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you worked Cat's Cradle into a discussion of nail polish...shit, that's brilliant.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely, kudos on the Vonnegut! I was impressed by that, too.
ReplyDeleteAlso: come get a herky badge from my blog! :)
Aww, shucks guys! There was no "working in" involved--it was quite honestly the first thing that popped into my mind when I tried to picture coal outside. Then I spent five minutes going back and forth with myself over whether you would all have no clue what I was talking about and think I was a freak if I left it in. I should never have doubted you. Those who herkie together, Vonnegut together.
ReplyDeleteHear, hear! And your badge is dazzling, dahling!
ReplyDeleteOMG, this is the most hilarious blog I have seen in a very long time. I love it!
ReplyDeleteOhhhh thank you so much! This name has bugged me since it came out ... I thought that maybe everyone else thought it was a cute name and that I was just a freak. :)
ReplyDeleteFaith, trust your instincts! The nail polish industry is like a fat naked emperor. It will try to convince you that it is clothed and adorable, but it takes only one person with the strength of character to point out that it is hideous and really needs to put on a robe or something.
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