Monday, April 12, 2010

Buy Me a Cameo

You know those days when you want to be obnoxiously demanding, but you ALSO really want your fashion to be at least ninety years out of date? Apparently Essie's got it covered! What's that you say? You also want to reinforce sexist stereotypes, like that the main goal in women's lives is to extract jewelry from men? No problem; this little number has it all.

In fact, I hear that so many women are clamoring for antique cliches on their nails that Essie is launching a whole line. This spring, check your local drugstore for sure-fire hits like Pull Over Your Ford Model T Right Now and Ask For Directions, Don't You Dare Take My Backstreet Boys Record Off the Victrola, No You Can't Go Out Fox Hunting With the Boys On Our Anniversary Weekend, and What Happens In Paris Only Stays In Paris If It Does Not Include the French Disease, Ben, Now Go Sleep On the Couch.


  1. HA HA!

    I'm Not That Kind of Girl...But If I Were, It Would Take A Heck of A Lot More Than A Cameo, Buddy.

    (Why do I feel a Dorothy Parker poem welling up?)

  2. HAHAHA! I'd totally buy those names you made up, cause they're funny as hell!

  3. Skulda--thanks!

    Ink--yes! I would love to see you go all Dorothy Parker on whoever came up with this name.

    Arrianne--thank you! Maybe I should start my own line of nail polish. The only problem is that the bottles will have to be enormous to fit all the ridiculously convoluted names!

  4. LMAO! How about a polish called: The Gum at the Bottom of my Grandma's Handbag

  5. A whole line of Little Shopgirl polishes by Essie:
    Carrie Meeber Rose
    Jennie Gerhardt Yellow
    Lily Bart Black

    Turn Down the Gas Lamp While I Loosen My Ankle Boots.

  6. a cameo is also a stage appearance moron! your blog is fucking stupid you sound like an 11 year old brat with your childishly "WITTY" way of making fun of shit. go play in traffic.