Thursday, April 22, 2010


Great, just what we all needed: dadaist nail polish. What is "up's" with this?

Actually, I'm kind of impressed. Who would have thought so much confusion could be packed into just three letters and one punctuation mark? In terms of nonsense per character this little number is compressed like [normals] Kim Kardashian's posterior in this dress [nerds] a ZIP file stored on the world's tiniest USB drive and thrown into Garbage Compactor 3263827 on the Death Star.

What exactly happened to cause this name? Was the author trying to go to the United Parcel Service's website to see when they would deliver her new keyboard without an erratically triggering caps lock and apostrophe key? Was she hoping to launch her career as a film critic by naming a nail polish after the first word of her thesis, titled "Up's Balloons: Intelligent Falling: a Metatextual Metaphorical Metaphysical Metallurgical Critique of Gravity"?

Whatever is going on here, this name is not exactly at the top's of my list. Not exactly one of Essie's high'slights.


  1. I can't understand this one either. This is purely speculation on my part, but perhaps they meant "ups" as in "ups and downs". I notice a lot of folks make the mistake of using apostrophes in plural words. Someone at Essie didn't do too well in English class.

  2. Perhaps the author meant props. As in "giving you big ups"!? But threw an apostrophe in be fancy?

    Also: why do some people include a random apostrophe on letters addressed to a specific family name (e.g., The Smith's)?

    Btw, love the thesis title there. ;)

  3. Deb & Ink--good theories! I hereby award big ups to both of you.

    Here is one that always gets me: apostrophes in years. Yesterday I had to watch a Powerpoint that included lots of information about the 1970's. 1970's what?

  4. Apostrophes in years drive me insane as well, Panderbear. I also can't stand apostrophes in acronyms. I saw a commercial for a local furniture store recently, and they advertised they were giving away free "TV's".

  5. Dear Smith's:
    You have won one of our prize's! Please come down to our store and select one of our vintage TV's from the 1970's.
    The Manager's

  6. Ink, you seared my retinas! Not nice.

    This is it. Apostrophes are now a privilege, not a right. Anyone who uses one improperly: be prepared to face the vigilante justice of Ink and Deb, the Apostrophe Apostles!

  7. LOL at the apostrophe anger expressed in the comments. I'm with you all. I have more than once had to physically restrain my own Sharpie walking past signs for CD's and Smith's. [shudder]
    But I'm really commenting to offer sincere knee-slapping kudos to panderbear for the normals/nerds compression offerings. You are one funny ursine writer, Pb. Well done.

  8. Can we have t-shirts made for the Apostrophe Apostles?

    And Nap is in, too!!!

  9. Thanks, Nap! Your knee-slaps are much appreciated, especially since I know you have to dislodge Butter to even reach.

    Ink, I am all over Apostrophe Apostles branding, but I think what we really need are cloaks. Something to swirl mysteriously about us as we chortle victoriously, Sharpies in hand, and vanish into the night.

  10. The name of Essie's "Mini How High" confuses me. Is she referring to a miniskirt? A midget? Doing drugs? What was Essie thinking???

    These comments remind me of the book Eats, Shoots & Leaves.