(suggested by Blanche and Trina)
I've seen a lot of nail polish that seems to be going through personal problems, including the insecure, the misogynistic, and the...vampiric, but none that is this out-of-the-blue insulting.
Also, "Dick Weed," really? When is the last time anybody used that one? You might as well bust out the big guns and start calling people "squares" and "dweebs." According to the only semi-scholarly article I can find, "dickweed" pretty much peaked as an insult in 1986, thanks to the immortal line "You killed Ted, you Medieval dickweed!" So let me take a page from the book of Bill S. Preston, Esq. and proclaim this name most heinous.
Incidentally, BleachBlack:
Before you named this little number "Jizz"...
(suggested by Hannah)
...you probably should have considered how wearers are going to have to respond when someone asks them "What's on your nails?"
Posts
Jizz? Really? How is that possible? Who can say this outloud? "Oooh, Jizz! Excuse me, Miss, can I buy some Jizz? What's that color? JIZZ."
ReplyDeleteJesus, Joe, I don't know what to tell you. Forget trying to buy it in a store, how do you think the marketing pitch went? "I hold in my hand the product that will revolutionize the nail polish industry...Jizz." And this could be a whole new level in embarrassing spousal shopping requests. "Honey, while you're out, could you go pick me up a bottle of Jizz?"
ReplyDeleteYes, we are pleased to announce our new collection for summer 2010. Ta ra ta ra!!! Bodily fluids!
ReplyDeleteIt's a range of six great shades:
Phlegm - a subtle pale green
Saliva - super-glossy cream
Vomit - playfully textured green duochrome
Faecal staining - not your average brown!
Discharge - makes a great topcoat
Jizz - see publicity pic
Hahahaha! What were they thinking? :D Was is made for some special audience? :D
ReplyDeleteLOL
ReplyDeleteoh my goodness...... Why haven't I heard of this before
ReplyDeleteI posted about this a few days ago. Apparently the designer made it after her own hair colour. *cough* I wonder if she refers to her hair as "a pearlescent white" or "my hair looks like jizz".
ReplyDeleteI've noticed a trend among upstart nail polish makers of trying to be as edgy as possible by giving the polishes ridiculous names like these. Lame.
ReplyDeleteFrankly, I am a bit grossed out by a nail polish named Jizz.
LOL, this is just nasty. And I think about what Skulda said naming it after her hair color? Makes me wonder what the designer has been up to lately? *shudders*
ReplyDelete"Honey, while you're out, could you go pick me up a bottle of Jizz?" = LMAO
ReplyDeletesheesh. And i thought dickweed was bad enough.
ReplyDeleteSkulda said that the designer made it after her own hair colour.. god. what kind of person would say her hair looks like jizz = = i am stunned by her her lameness.
Jaljen--is it wrong if your descriptions make me actually want some of those polishes? I think you have a bright future in nail polish marketing!
ReplyDeleteHelena--I have no idea, but I can certainly say that's one audience I'm proud to be excluded from.
ShortAndSweetNails--Thanks!
Deez Nails--You haven't heard of it because you live in a world of precious sanity! Prize the innocence you have left before these nail polish-naming monsters strip it away.
Skulda--That's beyond belief! Maybe she's been watching "There's Something About Mary" a few too many times lately.
Deb--I totally agree. I hope this new marketing ploy fails so I can walk through the drugstore nail polish aisle without blushing.
Lacquer Ware--Yes, that is a little more than I needed to know about the designer's personal life!
Ink--I think it is the perfect desensitizing strategy! Once a husband comes home with that, there is no feminine product he will ever flinch at again.
Ic3fall--Well, the least that can be said for her re: naming after her hair color: at least she's modest?
If Beach Black had any class or subtlety, they would have named it "pearl necklace". People in the porn-know would get the joke...
ReplyDeleteThis is the most hilarious blog I've seen in ages. So glad it was covered by Salon-now I have work-procrastination material!
ReplyDeleteBukko Canukko--I totally agree. "Pearl Necklace" would have all of the edge but actually be clever, not to mention pronounceable in adult company.
ReplyDeleteAnon.--thank you! I appreciate the kind words and hope you stick around!
Jaljen, hahaha!
ReplyDeleteI loved your interview with Salon.com. So true about the shock value through vulgarity. Also nice to know your name!
ReplyDeleteNeed link to said interview, please! :)
ReplyDeleteArrianne, thank you! Just don't stalk me now that you know who I am...well, if you stalk me, bring chocolate.
ReplyDeleteInk, I tried to work some HTML wizardry and link to the interview in the top-right corner, let me know if it doesn't work!
It worked! And what a great interview! Love it. Congrat, PB!
ReplyDeleteDamn it, you found out about my plans!
ReplyDeleteEr, that should say Congrats! (Plural. I wasn't offering you just one congrat. But at least there wasn't a rampant apostrophe in there...)
ReplyDelete"...octopus strangling banana."
ReplyDeleteThe whole interview is interesting, hilarious, erudite, and generally awesome.
[sheepishly admits she still uses dickweed as an insult, but has now officially been schooled about its relative age and is embarrassed that her insults match her VHS collection.]
Inky, thanks for the congrat! Your kudo means a lot to me.
ReplyDeleteNap, thank you for the charitable review! Can I hire to you write the foreword when the book comes out? I know it may be hard to wean yourself off "dickweed," but think of the delights of the modern insult era. Soon you'll be calling people "asshats" and "pedo bears" like you were born to it.
I wonder how "Jizz" would look, marbled with Sally Hansen's "Party Girl Creme".....
ReplyDelete