Thursday, May 7, 2009

Charlie Dickens

When I saw that Butter London had all kinds of fun colors without the "Big Three" nail polish carcinogens, I had great expectations. Now, I know these are hard times, and fourteen dollars is a lot to spend on a bottle of nail polish. But when I saw that they were giving away free nail polish for Earth Day, I was hooked. I've been stuck in my bleak house studying so much that I feel like Oliver Twist, and this was a chance for welcome escapism. I started browsing the list over and over, pondering which I would pick. Someone asked me if I was at least going to get a Stupid Nail Polish Names entry out of it, and I said that none of the names struck me as that bad. Luckily, our mutual friend responded, "Look, chuzzlewit, this isn't an old curiosity shop. This is a national American corporation! These names are pretentious and obnoxious."

Yes, ladies and gentleman, it's true. These names might seem full of quaint English charm. But this is a tall tale of two cities. They slap all their nail polish with insufferably British names, but do you know where this company is based? Seattle. And last time I checked, Seattlites weren't always going on about snogging chimney sweeps over crumpets. Sorry, Butter London, you're not David Copperfield; you can't wave your wand and magically change your nationality and time period. Not only are you not on a nickname basis with "Charlie Dickens," I would be very surprised if anyone who works at your company ever got past "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times."

Anyway, at least the colors are pretty. If you've been saving your nicklebys lately, you could go for one. Just polish your monocle first.


  1. How can they put "London" on their bottles if they aren't in London? Or is it, like, London, Washington? Harrumph.

    But now I'm thinking of the Friends episode where Ross lapsed into a fake English accent during his lectures. That was funny. ("La BOR a tory")

  2. Dickens and nail polish how existentialist of you. Just kidding, thought I would stop by grab a laugh or 2. :D

  3. Love your blog, and this entry is very funny! I have tried Butter London, and have to say the polish is a streaky mess. Not worth it, in my opinion. So, please do mock the silly company, and its silly name!

  4. Ink--my favorite fake English accent experience happened in college during orientation week. I got together to play pool with a guy and noticed he was talking very strangely. Then slowly it dawned on me: I had once mentioned offhand that I thought English accents were cute. So he was doing his level best (not very good!) to put one on. And he only said two things! Whenever I hit a ball into a hole, he would say "A wonderful shot. Except, once again, you are between me and my way out." And whenever I missed, he would say "A shot full of sound and fury, signifying nothing." You can imagine, the ladies loved him.

    Insider--please stick around and grab as many laughs as you can! I usually have trouble fitting more than four in my hands, but that's why they invented shopping carts.

    Anon., thanks! I actually got some nail polish from them (right now I'm wearing "Thames") and was expecting something amazing for that price tag. But I've been really disappointed in how it's holding up--it doesn't even go a day without chipping! What a rip-off!

  5. Pander, would that be a "chip-off"? ;)

    I am a little freaked out by the two-commenting fake-accented guy...was it fun at least, I hope?

  6. Hey, lady, I'm the one who makes the nail polish puns around here!

    And fun? FUN? We played air hockey and he wouldn't use the red puck because it was the color of Communism. We went to a moderately dressy orientation event and he told me how much his suit cost (five hundred pounds) and that it was made by the tailor to the Prince of England. And he told me that he prays every night for George Bush.

    So yes, it was awesome!

  7. Ah, fun in the sense of your madly taking notes and planning to use him as basis for a character in your witty satire to be written in the not-too-distant future...

    And my word verification is "nelod" which I think describes him very well. As in, what a total nelod!

  8. Hello, nail polish lovers.

    Thought I'd set the record straight on the authenticity of butter LONDON.

    The company was founded by a Brit (me)and fabulous Creative Director, Nonie Creme, is a famous session manicurist out of London.

    We run our offices out of Seattle because I moved there with my husband in 2002.

    Hope you can now enjoy our yummy products with your minds at ease!